Still Waiting

^Do you see that ticker above this post?  It says 2 years, 7 months, 3 weeks, & 4 days waiting for our baby bird to find our nest.  I'm not sure why it's taking that long.  Granted, we took a five-month break, so subtract that.  But still.  I didn't think it would be this long.  Even though I know God's timing is best, the waiting is still sometimes just hard. 

Summing up 2015...Looking Forward to 2016

2015

My 2015 was a year of highs and lows, big changes and not much change at all.  Here's a recap highlighting my ups and downs of the past year.

1. In mid-January, due to a seizure I had last year in September (I hadn't had any in almost 6 years), we started thinking about not adopting at all.  This was so painful it is almost impossible for me to describe.  The indecision, prayer, talking, and crying went on for months. 
2. In mid-March our agency let us know it was time to do our annual update.  
3. In mid-March we put our condo up for sale again (had tried to sell it the previous year as well).  We loved the renovations we had done but wanted a place with more privacy in the backyard. 
4. At the end of March I had a seizure. 
5. In mid-April, we celebrated our TENTH anniversary!!

   

   My husband and I on our anniversary before going out on a date to Red Lobster.

6. Despite the seizure and our continued consideration of not adopting, we went forward with updating our profile and went for our physicals in April. 
7. At the end of April, we went to our agency for our update meeting, and told them we are putting our adoption on hold.  We decided we needed to get my seizures under control before continuing with adopting.  It hurt but at the same time I was okay with it.
8. TWO DAYS after putting our adoption on hold I had another seizure!  Decided to go up on my medication which I did the following day.
9. In May we went on a 17-day long road trip to celebrate our tenth anniversary!  Leading up to it life was very stressful, what with seizures, putting our adoption on hold, and our condo up for sale.  But it was a good trip.  You can read about it here, here, here, here, here, and here.
10. THREE DAYS after arriving home from our trip, we got an offer on our condo which we accepted that day.
11. In early June we started looking at houses, and a couple weeks later made an offer on one which was accepted within an hour.
12. In late June my husband and my niece both got baptized!
13. On the last day of June the sale of our condo and the purchase of our new home were completed!
14. In early July, we got the news that my husband's mom has been diagnosed with colon cancer.
15. We took posession of our new home, a 1970's 3-bedroom condo, on the last day of July, and started renos right away.
16. We moved in early August and started talking about going active with our agency again, as my seizures seem to be under control!   
17. My mother-in-law had radiation for the last week of August, and in early September had surgery.
18. In September we let our agency know we wanted to go active again which they made happen the next day!  I'm excited and hopeful, but have more of a peace than a desperation like I did before.
19. We went away to a cabin for a weekend with my family like we have done every fall for as long as I can remember, but this year it was our last year.  The 3-bedroom/7-bed cabin has gotten too small for our family of 12!
20. On Thanksgiving Day (October 11) my grandma passed away.  She was 91.  This was the grandparent that I, and everyone in my family, was closest to.  We were next-door neighbours my whole growing-up years.  The funeral was five days later, on my husband's birthday.

    

    My grandma and I at her 90th birthday party almost exactly one year before she passed away.

21. Our country voted for a new prime minister in October and in my opinion made a very big mistake.  (Yes, I'm one of those rare people who actually cares about politics, lol!)
22. In November my mother-in-law started chemo.  She is doing really well. 
23. As of December 1st I quit selling Regal.  
24. On Christmas Day my uncle (my aunt's husband) was in a snowmobile accident.  Three days later, after being taken off life support, he passed away.  It feels completely unreal.  The funeral will be in January.    

So that was my 2015!!  How was your year??  Of course I can't predict 2016, but here are my hopes and expectations:

1. There will be a couple big birthdays in my family.  My sister turning 40 and my other sister's husband turning 45.  Of course my niece that is turning 13 counts that as a VERY big birthday, lol! Cute :)
2. We'll be doing lots and lots of renovations on our house.
3. Of course I really, really hope we'll be chosen to adopt!

To my readers and followers, thank-you for coming by to read my blog, thank-you for sharing my ups and downs with me.  To those of you who also have blogs, I enjoy reading and commenting on yours as well, and sharing in your ups and downs!  See you in 2016 and may you have a happy new year!    

Life

I knew when I started this blog that I wouldn't be a frequent poster, but lately I feel like I've really dropped the ball! Since I've started this blog, I've posted at least once every month, but I even missed a whole month (May - granted, we were gone for 1/2 of it) recently. Sorry about that and thank you to those who keep checking back! (I do try to keep updating our timeline even when I'm not blogging, if you want to check that.)

I haven't been posting much for a couple reasons. Mainly because there's things I could say, but don't want to, so rather than say something, I've said nothing. Also, we've been busy!

March and April were both difficult months. We were gone for 17 days in May, celebrating our 10th  anniversary with a road trip to Alberta and BC. Pretty much the moment we came back, our condo sold and we went house-hunting, and then bought one in June. Hubby's mom got diagnosed with colon cancer in July. We move in August, at which time the renos start. Also, summertime is when Hubby works 11-13 hour days. Whew! I feel worn out just re-reading that list.

Life has been stressful, but I don't feel right complaining. There's been a lot of good, too. It's summertime! Hard times are always easier to handle when I can go outside and enjoy the flowers and heat (I am in my hammock right now - I can hear a baby, which makes me feel sorta happy/sad, and birds, and smell freshly mown lawn, and see my marigolds and apple tree). Hubby & I both have family that loves us and that we love, and they almost all live nearby. Most importantly, Jesus loves me and I love Him. I'm so thankful that He died instead of me and paid for my sin so that I don't have to. He is such a wonderful God and I am so thankful for Him! When everything else goes "wrong", or I have no idea what my purpose is and feel useless and lonely, I can always rely on Him to never change, to never leave me, and to always love me. He is so good!

How has life been going for you lately? Has your summer been relaxing?

Incomplete Family at Christmastime

Christmas is not necessarily a happy time for all of us.  I am not saying the whole season is terrible for me.  I definitely enjoy the majority of it!  But as we go through this waiting-to-adopt time, and as God grows a sensitivity in me toward others and their individual situations, I am starting to see that there is pain involved in holidays, too.

As I go Christmas shopping and to all the gatherings and parties, and just in general interact with more people than I usually do, this year I am going to try to be more sensitive with my "Merry Christmas!"es.  I would encourage you to do the same; think and pray carefully before writing the same greeting in each Christmas card.

I also think there is some validity in what I heard somewhere recently:  it's more painful to have your painful situation ignored than acknowledged.  So maybe instead of writing "May you and your family have a happy Christmas!", write "This Christmas must be tough for you.  You're in my thoughts & prayers."  (I haven't lost any loved ones very close to me, so if you have other thoughts on this topic, please feel free to leave a comment.)

There are such a wide variety of painful or confusing situations that people may be going through this Christmas, including but not limited to:  (Please forgive me if in anyway I have not worded these sensitively.)

• having lost a loved one, including miscarriage or stillbirth
• divorce, separation, marriage difficulties
• infertility
• loved one working/living far away and can't come home for Christmas
• empty arms while waiting to adopt
• loved one hospitalized, or you yourself hospitalized
• single
• you or loved one has cancer or other disease
• family tensions and unforgiveness
• financial problems
• spiritual struggles; trying to figure out what you believe
• trying to find your birth family or have recently reconnected with them  
• job issues

As my mother-in-law once told me, you never know what someone's going through.  That is so true.  Behind people's tough demeanor, or calm face, or cheery attitude, everybody has a story.  We don't necessarily need to know what that story is, but I think everyone does deserve our sensitivity.  Especially during the holidays when emotions can be so fragile.

It's been interesting this Christmas season for me as this topic has been on my mind and heart.  The other day I was in a grocery store and I saw a lady busily shopping whose husband had passed away a year or two ago.  Another lady who knew her and her situation came up to her, put a hand on her shoulder, and kindly said "Merry Christmas.  Have a good one."  The first lady turned to continue her shopping and I saw that her face now looked bewildered.  I was left wondering how she felt -- hurt that she was told to have a good Christmas even though her husband was gone?  -- or blessed that the lady didn't cheerfully smile a "Merry Christmas!!" as if everything was fine?  I don't know.  Maybe she didn't even know herself.

For me personally, I find that I appreciate acknowledgement of the pain we feel, in not being parents yet.  Don't get me wrong, no one wants to be felt sorry for!  But thought (like not giving us the card that says "from our family to yours!"), kindness, and acknowledgment is always nice.  Keep your words genuine, gentle - and brief.  No one wants to cry at a gathering after all, lol!

At the same grocery store, same day, we were stopped by a lady we know and asked how things were progressing with our adoption.  I always appreciate it when people ask because it shows they care.  But I was rather surprised at how down I felt afterward.  And it is because of the Christmas season.  It is another Christmas without our baby.  Christmas is a time of family.  And lots of people feel their families are incomplete -- they are still single, or a family member has passed away, or their womb is empty, or their arms are empty, or they are separated from their spouse, or they don't live near their family, or fights have separated them from their parents, or a parent has lost their memory, or they have placed their child for adoption, etc -- and at Christmastime this incomplete feeling is often very much amplified.

I don't have much of a conclusion.  Perhaps, I hope you come away from reading this with a new awareness of what others might be going through, and a new sensitivity towards others when you interact with them this holiday season.  I also hope you feel your personal pain has been acknowledged.  Christmas is tough.  And I honestly think that's okay sometimes.  Not that it's okay to feel sorry for yourself, but neither do you need to be tough and ignore the pain and put on a false cheeriness.  If someone is kind enough to say to you "This Christmas must be tough for you" there is nothing wrong with simply saying "Thank-you, yes it is.  I appreciate your thinking of me."

I also hope that whether we are the comforter or the one in pain, or most likely both, that we deliberately take the time to be thankful for -- to use a cliche -- the Reason for the season.  Have you ever stopped to think about it that Jesus' earthly father was not His birth father?  And that when Jesus was crucified, His Father rejected Him?  (He rejected Him because all our sin was on Him.  The wages of sin is death and Jesus paid for our sin so we would not have to.)  Jesus understands pain.

He is also our comforter.  When nobody else understands how I feel, He does.  And that is already a big comfort to me just by itself.  

"Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God."  2 Corinthians 1:3-4    

Summing up 2013...Looking Forward to 2014

I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas.  I did.  I love gatherings, people, presents, etc!  We spent all day Christmas Eve at Hubby's parents' with them and Hubby's brother who was home from university for the holidays.  Christmas Day was spent with my mom-in-law's side of the family at Hubby's uncle & aunt's.  Boxing Day was spent at my parents'.  I always look forward the most to Christmas at my parents' and this year was no exception.  The next day we got a bit of a break until suppertime when we went out to eat with my dad's side of the family.  A lot of these people I only see once a year.  The next day we finally had Christmas with just the 2 of us.  It was very relaxing and I didn't have to worry about food (I am intolerant to a lot of foods) and we could just enjoy each other.  Of course I am still hopeful that it was the last Christmas with just the 2 of us, but who knows!  God does, and I like knowing He's in control. 

To read my summing up 2012 post, click here.

2013 was a year of a lot of changes.  The main things (that I am willing to share) were:

1. We bought a new place and started renovations.  
2. Hubby switched positions at his job from being a truck driver to working in the office.
3. Moved from the country into town.
4. Completed all the adoption paperwork we've been working on for so long and submitted our file to our agency.
5. Hubby got politely fired from his office job for refusing to ask his drivers to break rules.  After we got over being devastated, we decided he will continue pursuing his flight training instead of driving truck again like they offered him.
6. Both homestudy interviews got scheduled and rescheduled until they were finally completed.
7. We got officially approved to adopt and started waiting on May 14.
8. My sister E landed up in the hospital due to pancreas inflamation.  She was in good spirits so unlike the whole cancer thing she went through last year.  She had surgery to have her gallbladder out.
9. Started hosting our church group at our house for church every Sunday morning.  Up til now we'd always had it at my brothers'.  We are a small group of 8 regulars but I love them all dearly.
10. I became an independent rep for Regal to start helping earn a little income.
11. Hubby completed his flight training and passed his flight tests.  He put in applications for flying jobs.
12. Hubby started driving truck again, for a different company, as we wait for a flying job offer.
13. We had adoption maternity pictures taken with a professional photographer.  It was a great experience and we love the pictures!
14. I had a benign cyst removed from my breast.  Did not enjoy being awake for the surgery!
15. We reached the 6 month mark of being approved.  Found out we haven't been shown yet which was not surprising but still disappointing.
16. Hubby and his fellow employees were laid off for the Winter.  He has applied for EI which we are waiting on but he does get called in to work some days, usually to haul snow after blizzards.

Of course there were also many not-so-big things interspersed throughout the year, happy things and sad things both.  Ultimately I am just so thankful to God that He is unchanging!

Here are some of the things I am looking forward to in 2014, the Lord willing:

1.  Well, obviously I think it would be AWESOME if we would be matched and be blessed with a baby!  
2. It's my hubby's big 3-0 this year.  I would love to throw him a huge surprise party but he is an introvert and big crowds of people is so not his thing.  And definitely not surprises!  
3. Assuming we don't have a baby by then, we'll be updating our profile this Spring, since it will be the 1 year mark.
4. I'm hoping God will answer some of my prayers with a "yes!".
5. I'm sure there are other things I am looking forward to in 2014, I just can't think of them right now!

 Just one more thing.  Remember that little yellow baby blanket my mom started knitting for me last year?  Well, shortly before Christmas she finished it and gave it to me.  So precious.  Here it is:

Oh, and you know how I was pessimistically saying I didn't think I would get any baby-related stuff as gifts this Christmas?  Well, I was wrong.  I'm starting to feel like I don't need a pre-baby shower after all, because people are definitely showing me they care!

These are onesies, sleepers, a blanket, and a soother with clip that my mom-in-law, bro-in-law, and dad gave me this Christmas.  Feeling loved :)

Motherhood Month - 3

Progress:  We have been waiting 7 months and 1 day since being approved.

Mood:  A little down.  Non-adoption related, I'm in PMS and for me that is really bad.  Hopefully AF will come and leave before Christmas yet.  But if not, I'd rather have AF than PMS over Christmas!  Adoption-related, someone I know got chosen to adopt.  This is the first person I know personally who got chosen to adopt.  They were approved after us and waited an incredibly short time.  I'm surprised how difficult of a time I'm having with it.  Also adoption-related, I'm still feeling let down that no one's thrown me a baby shower yet.  I realize that makes me sound selfish, but it's something I've made clear to my husband that I want, and he knows how important gifts are to me, and it would make me feel more like an expectant mother and that others are viewing me that way, and I just expected a baby shower shortly after we got approved and it's been seven freaking months!!  Ah well, maybe there's something in the plans and I don't know about it.  I know it won't be til at least early-January, though, because one of the people I want to be there is gone til then.  I am starting to regret saying I want it to be a surprise though, because it would be nice if I knew something was happening or not.  Another adoption-related thing has me thinking about our future child and their birthfamily and feeling emotional lately but won't talk about it at this point.    

Cravings:  Something with a lot of melted cheese.  Grilled cheese sandwich.  Chicken Spinach Lasagna.  Seven-Cheese Ravioli in Alfredo Sauce baked with cheese.  You get the idea.

Thoughts About Our Child:  Curious if you exist yet.  You exist in God's eye and my heart.

Thoughts About Our Child's Expectant Mom:  Wondering if you will remain in your child's life or if you will disappear and our child will have to search for you.

Most Recent Baby Purchase/Gift:  I may or may not have bought something for Hubby ;) like I do every Christmas.  Curious if I'll get any baby-related gifts from anyone this Christmas, as it is the first year I have put any on my wishlists.  I don't really think so.

This Month God:  Taught me through His Word that He is the God of encouragement, the God of hope, and the God of endurance.  (Romans 15:4-5)  I found the latter particularly encouraging, for when I run out of hope and feel I can no longer endure in this long adoption journey, He will continue to endure!    

Am I Just "Playing House"?

So I mentioned in this post that I emailed our adoption agency to find out if we'd been shown to anybody since getting approved half a year ago.

The next day we got a simple but kind reply "Hi Lee and Rhonda, nice to hear from you. I looked at your file, and to date, it has not yet been shown.  Wishing you well, Bonnie."

So pretty much our reaction was not shock or surprise, but at the same time still disappointment.  I tried to brush it off, but I did have some tears over supper as I was talking about how I felt.

It is this feeling of, does anybody else besides me believe that we will actually become parents?  Am I just "playing house"?  It's a terribly lonely feeling.  When people walk around with their pregnant bellies, everyone can see that they're expecting a child.  No one sees that I am expecting a child.  So no one talks about it.  I don't expect many baby showers or for people to talk about nothing but babies and adoption with me.  But I am not sure how to convey just how much it means to me when other people hope with me.  To know you're praying, to receive a little baby item you happened to spot in the store and thought I would like, to ask how I'm doing.  I could go on.  I don't want to sound like I deserve a ton of attention or that you should feel sorry for me.  But this journey can be terribly lonely.  I guess I just want to feel like a "real" expectant parent and want others to view me that way, too.  And sometimes I just doubt if it's all just a big game and we really won't get chosen.  I doubt why I occasionally buy baby stuff; if there'll really be someone to wear these little clothes one day.

I shouldn't say that no one supports me.  I think just the disappointment from not being shown yet coupled with my own doubts that we'll ever get matched somehow concluded in my feeling like people don't actually care enough to let me know they do care even a little.

What Not To Say To Someone Who's Not P******t

I love the sarcastic sense of humour Tara and Amanda put into this list.

Currently

Craving...food :)  But it's too close to suppertime to eat much of anything, so I'm having a hot apple cider instead :)

Listening to...the crickets!  They are LOUD and ABUNDANT!!  We usually like to sleep with the windows open in summertime, but the crickets haven't allowed for it this year - way too loud.  Also hearing the little children playing on the other side of the fence.

Making me sad...antidepressants, sleeping pills, etc, and what they have done to those I love.

Missing...my hubby, because I almost always miss him while he's at work and especially while I am sad, and our future baby whom I don't even know.

Thankful for...so much!  Hot apple cider, that it still feels like summer even though it's Sept. 10, that I am no longer on antidepressants, for my wonderful hubby, that we are approved to adopt and really could get "the call" any minute :)

Willow Tree Figurines

Do you have any of those Willow Tree figurines?  Or have you seen them in people's homes or in stores?  I've always seen them and loved them.  Unfortunately I was always seeing the ones of the pregnant woman, with her beautiful curving belly.  I really didn't think there was any other one besides that one and I think a couple.

Anyway, sometime last year I was in a store and I was admiring their Willow Tree figurines.  And I saw this one:

 And it was on sale.  I decided to buy it right there and then and hide it away, and then give it to my husband the day we got approved.  Well, time went by, and we moved.  And then when we got approved, that day was a whole lot less exciting than I thought it would be.  And anyway, I totally forgot I had this tucked in a box somewhere until way later.  I came across it by accident and was very disappointed and frustrated with myself.  I ended up giving it to my husband anyway.  And he was very sweet about it.

The figurine is titled "New Dad" and the caption reads "In awe and wonder of what's to come." 

I found four figurines on the Willow Tree website that I wanted for myself!  My husband gave me this one for my birthday last month:

It is titled "Angel of Mine" and the caption reads "So loved, so very loved."  It was my top pick.  The other three that I also liked are:

"Child of My Heart" - "Child of the world, Into my heart you came - Bringing sun into my life, Making family our name."

"Guardian" - "Love and protect thee, forever."

"The Quilt" - "Sleep my child and peace...peace...Covered in love and keep...keep..."

P.S.  This is not supposed to be an ad for Willow Tree.  I just really like the artists' work and wanted to show you which ones my husband and I had gotten each other :)

The Little Girl on the Bench

Five days ago I went to the mall in the city on my own.  Something happened that shook me up and I doubt I will forget it any time soon.

I spent a wonderful day clothes shopping all by myself.  When I was just about done for the day I decided to hit Wal-Mart yet.  In that mall, there is a long, wide hallway that leads from the mall to the Wal-Mart.  It has a few benches along the side with windows and some arcade games and some bikes for sale, but mainly it is just a very busy hallway with people walking both ways.

I have what my friend Jaymi refers to as "baby radar".  I cannot help but look at every baby and glance inside every stroller if I can!  Hubby & I are particular suckers for East Indian and Asian kids - especially those oh-my-goodness adorable Filipino cuties!  So anyway, I entered the hallway and my eye was involuntarily drawn to a little girl (possibly because she was Asian or possibly because she was just plain adorable or possibly because the mommy-shaped hole in my heart just can't help it) sitting on a bench.

I took a few more steps until I was past her and then slowly came to a stop.  Something was wrong.  She was alone.  There was no adult around who seemed in charge.  Keep in mind she was probably only around 3 or 4.  She was sitting cross-legged on the bench with her stuffed bunny, a container of snacks, and was reading a picture book.  She looked 100% content.

I didn't know what to do.  I glanced at the other people coming through the hall.  I looked them in the eye to see if they had also noticed the little alone girl?  Either no one did, no one cared, or everyone handled it as poorly as I did -- I worried and wondered a little more, than went into Wal-Mart.  Please don't jump all over me.  I have beaten myself up enough for not doing something about the situation immediately.  I browsed a bit, tried on some clothes, bought nothing, and headed out towards the hallway again.  My first thought was, was she still there?

She was.  I headed down the hallway watching her and slowed down as I got nearer.  At this point, shortly before her, there was another bench.  My ear caught the words of the middle-aged couple sitting there.  The lady was indignantly talking about the little girl left there all alone.  I immediately stopped and asked her "Do you know why?"  She said "Why?"  And I said "No, I don't know."  I sat down with the couple and they told me they had been sitting there for 20 minutes (they must've come by right after me) already and nobody had come back for her.  They told me they had called security, and they weren't planning on budging until someone came!  Wow, I wish I had responded like that right away!  The lady was right riled up, and although her man was fairly calm, I think he felt as strongly as she did.  I stayed with the couple but security wasn't coming.  I made a joke that if she was free for the taking, Hubby & I are adopting and would gladly take her -- it was a joke made out of the stress of the situation for sure.  We continued to talk.  The lady had asked the little girl where her mommy was, to which she replied, "Shopping."  (Can I just say What?!?!?!?!?!?!?!)  Then she asked her "Do you want me to find your mommy?"  to which the little girl replied "No."  Eventually I said if they weren't going to leave, that I would be on my way.  They adamantly said they weren't going anywhere.  However, I was reluctant to leave and ended up staying with them.

Eventually a lady around my age or perhaps a bit younger came down the hallway pushing a stroller (a travel system so I'm assuming there was an infant in it).  She slowed down and stopped at the little girl and the little girl started gathering up her things.  The young lady looked totally at ease.  The couple I was with jumped up and marched up to her.  I went with (I was like some tag-a-long).  The lady pointed at a sign across the hall from the bench that I hadn't even seen that said "Do Not Leave Children Unattended" and proceeded to rip into the young lady about how she shouldn't leave her child.  The young lady just quietly said "I'm sorry" each time the lady told her something about how dangerous it was, etc.  She didn't look the least bit remorseful.  I don't think she had a clue how badly things could've gone -- either that someone twisted could've taken her child or that Child and Family Services could've taken away her child.  Oh, and her reason for leaving her daughter there?  "She was tired.  She couldn't walk anymore."  Seriously?!?!?!?!?

We then walked away and I started to cry a little.  The couple then said how "some people can't have kids and then there's women like that who shouldn't be allowed to have kids".  I cried more.  I then told them (since I tend to be an over-sharer) "I know I don't know you guys at all, but my husband and I are one of those couples" and something like "we would do anything to have a little girl like that" or something, at which point the lady said something sympathetically (I think it was "Oh you poor thing, I have a friend like that") and proceeded to reach up and pull me down for a big hug.  Yes, I received a hug from a stranger and cried on her shoulder in the mall.

After that we talked a little more, a little more light-heartedly, and discovered that the man and I have similar heritage, which was kind of funny.  I then decided to go straight home because I was shook up.  All done shopping for sure.

I hope the young lady learned her lesson but I honestly don't know if she has.  I know that I learned a lot from that couple that day.  To watch over those in trouble, to stand up to people if they are endangering someone, and to befriend those who are hurting.

Changes

So back in January Hubby got a new job.  I wrote about it here.  Well, on Monday he came home at lunch time...and stayed home.  He'd been let go.  Turns out following the rules is not a characteristic to be desired in someone who works for a trucking company!  Of course we were shocked and devastated and all that for that day.  We prayed and decided to be thankful.

We talked a lot.  He had to decide by Wednesday whether he would take his old position (driving truck) at this company or not as they were terminating his position as fleet manager but offering him his old job back.  Ultimately he came to the conclusion he could not work for a company where honesty and compassion are a liability.  I was much relieved with this conclusion!

So the plan (and we know God has His own plans, so we'll see how this goes, haha) is that Hubby is going to not work for now, and finish his flight training instead.  He's a pilot, but hasn't been able to work much as one.  (He worked as a flight instructor for a while a number of years ago but that paid next to nothing.)  He needs to get a couple more ratings, and that costs a lot.  (He already has lots of hours.)  Thankfully we were able to put money aside for flight training when we sold our house & property.  We just didn't know when he'd be able to make use of it.  Well, here's an opportunity!  No job, no kids!  So the flight training will take about 2 months.  After that he will apply at places that fly commuters or charters.  While he's waiting to hear from them (pilots aren't in great demand) he will go back to driving truck (at a different company) since truckers are always needed.

We have to cut down on our spending, which kinda sucks. We lived so long drowning in debt, living paycheque to paycheque, and borrowing money, that I am terrified we will go back to that again.  Hubby has assured me it won't come to that and I believe him.  But these last few months since we sold our house & property and got out of debt and quit relying on others have been so freeing that I don't like the idea of holding back again.  But it won't be nearly as bad as last time.  We are in a lot better shape financially than we were!

So, as you know, our homestudy is scheduled for April 20 and 22.  Our Dear Birthparent letter is complete as well as our questionnaires.  So this new change left me confused and worried.  Should we take all that back and change it before our homestudy?  Should we change it to say Hubby is unemployed but in school?  Who would want parents where BOTH are unemployed?!  Should we - please, no - put off our homestudy until Hubby is all done his schooling and then we can revise our papers to say he's a pilot or a truck driver?  So I emailed our agency to ask these questions and she suggested we still complete the homestudy as scheduled - phew! - and only make changes to our paperwork when Hubby is done his schooling.  Sounds like a plan to me!

Although unexpected changes are stressful, I'm happy Hubby has the opportunity to follow his dream of flying for a living!

So Many Changes!

Hello ICLWers!  Sorry I haven't been reading & commenting much this week, and I can't promise that I'll do better yet...  Not entirely sure why I signed up this month, lol, but I guess I just didn't predict how crazy busy I would be!

I have been stressed, stressed, stressed with all the decision-making that comes along with renos, and I've discovered my stress is amplified when people volunteer to help - or worse, when they help without asking first.  And then organizing these helpful people, and trying to make them get along with each other - ugh!  THANKFULLY everything has turned out well so far and, although there have been days I have spent in tears, there have actually been relaxing, fun days as well.  Painting is all done, and flooring is next.  We move in the first weekend of February.  My current house?  Totally neglected lately.

Hubby started a new job.  Yeah, it was rather sudden.  But then again, rather drawn out.  He'd applied,  gotten an interview, then they'd decided not to hire anyone, then the job was open again, he applied again, then he e-mailed after a while just to see what was up because he wasn't hearing anything and the position still needed filling, then he got another interview, was told he was liked by a high-up guy he thought hated him and it all around felt like a good interview, a couple days later was told they wanted to hire him, and a couple days later was his first day!  So now he is no longer a truck driver and is OFF THE ROAD (Read:  Wife can stop worrying so much) and has an office job as a fleet manager (aka dispatcher) training to tell those truck drivers where to go!  I'm very happy for him.

Things are still moving forward with the adoption process...although some days we're moving so slowly I think we're almost moving backwards.  Selling our property, selling our house, Christmas, buying a place, renos, new job AND adoption process - we're crazy people.  Plain and simple.  Crazy people.  Yesterday I contacted our agency to see if all our stuff was in - I just couldn't wait any more to know.  Found out they're still waiting for one of our reference letters.  Now, we know this person wrote their letter a lo-o-ong time ago - but I guess just forgot to send it in!  SO, we're getting on their case, lol, but even so, we're told we can set up our first homestudy appointment (once one of the workers is back from the holidays she is on this week).  EEEK!!!  Now I'm hoping the appointment isn't too soon, lol, because we still have stuff to complete!  Hubby has promised me we're working on it tonight!!

Gotta go.  I hope things are going well for all of you, and you're often in my thoughts!  Thank you SOOOO much for your comments :)