Monday, June 16, 2014

Motherhood Month - 9

Progress:  1 year, 1 month, and 2 days

How I'm feeling:  Irritable, can't think clearly, down, anxious...I could go on.  But that's just hormones and will resolve itself yet.  Whenever my body decides to behave like normal.

Craving:  FOOD!!  I am hungry!  Lasagna would be nice.  (about those hormones...) 

Thoughts about our child:  Hoping you will exist and I'm not just dreaming this all up.

Thoughts about child's expectant mom:  Curious.  Always curious.

Most recent baby purchase/gift:  For Father's Day yesterday I gave my husband a onesie and matching shorts.  The onesie says "Daddy's Little Cupcake".  It's for a girl; even though we don't know if we will get a boy or a girl, I buy items for each, plus gender-neutral.  He loved it.

This month God:  Lately has felt far away.  I know that's just the hormones, though.  And feelings is not what this relationship is based upon anyway, thankfully!

Thursday, June 12, 2014

"I Understand"

Back in highschool I had a teacher that taught me a couple of things that I actually took to heart and carried with me into real life.

One of them was, when you ask someone how they are doing, listen to their answer.  Don't just say "hey, how's it going" as you rush on by.  I think it also important to give a genuine answer to those who ask sincerely.  Don't just say "fine".

The other thing was the skill of active listening.  Perhaps this resonated with me because as someone whose love language is quality time, it is important that people actually listen to me without distraction.  Since my personality is not one well known for good listening skills, I feel like learning how to listen actively was really helpful.  Eye contact, lean toward the person, respond to what they're saying, etc.

Another thing I have learned in life, this one from my mom-in-law, is that you never know what someone is going through, or has gone through.  You don't know their story.  You might think you know most of it, but you probably don't know all of it.  Keeping this in mind has helped me respond to people more gently than I might feel like reacting.  This life lesson also has a flip side.  Don't assume that people cannot relate to what you are going through.  If you are the kind of person who keeps things buried inside, try sharing and you might find someone who has gone through the same thing.

I don't know who taught me this life lesson, but another thing is to never say the words "I understand" unless you truly feel like you get it.  There are many other comforting and encouraging words to choose from, such as "I'm sorry", "That must be tough", and "I'm praying for you" (if you actually are), if you feel like you cannot understand the person's feelings or situation.  I personally will never say "I understand" if I do not feel like I actually do.  Since I haven't yet had anybody closer to me than my Grandpa pass away, I won't say "I know how hard this is for you" when your loved one passes away.  However, if you are going through stress, panic attacks, depression, anxiety, etc, I will say "I understand" because I personally know that world much too well.  I think there is great comfort in someone understanding where you are at, especially if they have been able to come out the other side.  Even if your situations aren't identical, they may be able to understand what you are going through well enough for you to be able to trust their "I understand".

Monday, June 2, 2014

Good Enough?

Sometimes I get so weary of advertising ourselves; trying to sell ourselves; waiting to be chosen; waiting to be wanted; hoping we're good enough; being dependent on others decisions and choices before we can move forward.

Adoption.  Waiting for someone to choose us.  To be matched with us.  To want us to parent their child.  Waiting for The Call.

Career.  My husband is a pilot and has his application in at a number of places; has had them in for quite a while. We are waiting for that call to fulfill his dream.

Our house.  Our house is up for sale; has been for a few months.  Been shown about 8 times but no bites.

My business.  I sell Regal (Canadian catalogue company) from home as an independent rep.  I am continually advertizing.  I am continually hoping someone will actually follow through and place an order when they say they want to.

There are two things that I, as a Believer in Christ Jesus, take from this:

One, because I desire God's will for my life, I can choose to thank God for these various circumstances we are in, and contentment will follow.  "Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you."  1 Thessalonians 5:16-18  "The Lord is at hand; do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.  And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."  Philippians 4:5-7  I can thank Him for the situations as they seem (bad), and I can thank Him for the good in them - that we are approved to adopt, that my husband has a good job currently (gravel truck driver), that we have a good home to live in that has room for a baby, and that I have a little business so that I can help earn a little income and feel useful, and I can thank Him for however He will work these situations out in the future as He sees fit.  See?  I am feeling better already! :)

Two, I am just so grateful that I do not need to advertise myself to God.  I don't need to try and sell myself to Him.  I do not need to strive to be good enough for Him in order to be wanted by Him.  Before I was saved, I did not need to clean up myself the way I have to clean up my house before a showing.  I just needed to believe in Him - in Jesus, God's Son - and that He died instead of me because my sin needed to be paid for, to be made holy and righteous - "good enough" - in God's eyes.  And now I remain always forgiven and accepted by Him!  "All we like sheep have gone astray; we have turned - every one - to his own way; and the Lord has laid on Him the iniquity of us all."  Isaiah 53:6  "And as Moses lifted up the serpent in the wilderness, so must the Son of Man be lifted up, that whoever believes in Him may have eternal life.  For God so loved the world, that He gave His only Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have eternal life.  For God did not send His Son into the world to condemn the world, but in order that the world might be saved through Him.  Whoever believes in Him is not condemned, but whoever does not believe is condemned already, because he has not believed in the name of the only Son of God."  John 3:14-18