Motherhood Month - 21

Progress:  Tomorrow will be 2 years + 9 months since we were approved.

How I'm Feeling:  It's kinda a crazy thought that if we had gotten pregnant the day we got approved, we would now have a 2 year old.  I think I'm patiently, hopefully, waiting.  Physically and emotionally I'm just feeling a little crummy...okay, a lot crummy, right now.

Craving:  I'm not super-hungry right now but I would totally take almost anything loaded with melted cheese...grilled cheese sandwich, pizza, you name it.

Thoughts about our future child:  I've been reading so much from adoptees and birth mothers, and we recently watched Adopted, so it's on my mind, hoping that you and I will have a good relationship and that I will be able to help you feel free to be able to talk to me about what you're feeling.

Thoughts about our child's expectant mom:  I hope you will have support, particularly after the adoption as you go back to life with a baby-shaped hole in your heart.  I hope you will be able and willing to be a part of our baby's life, for your sake, his/her sake, and ours, too.

Most recent baby purchase/gift:  Nothing really.

This month God:  Has been teaching me how good He is!  I wrote about it here.

Life Goes On

As we continue waiting to adopt, life moves on.

Yes, there are still moments when the phone rings and my stomach lurches, but they are few and far between.  I won't deny that, the longer the wait, the harder hope is to hang on to.

But I have not given up!  Recently I have been thinking about tweaking our Dear Birthmother letter and making it more reflective of my heart, and less of a history write-up of ourselves.  Also, a few times a week I work on our baby room.  We are renovating our house ourselves, and what I've been doing is tearing wallpaper off the walls of the baby room.  It's a chore to say the least, but every strip torn off makes me feel like I'm that much closer to bringing Baby home :)  Also, this week we are going to be attending, for our first time, a support group at our agency for waiting adoptive parents.

Hubby taking a pause during renos.  This is looking from the living room to the wall of the baby room.  We are widening one closet into a nook for our computer desk; this will make the baby room closet slightly smaller.

Besides renos, what else has 'everyday life' looked like for me lately?  Well, I have been reading a very good book about friendships.  I am learning a lot about myself and how to do friendships better in the future.  Also, I've been working on a system to prioritize how I spend my days.  I don't want the little time that God has given me go to waste doing unimportant things.  Important things to me, that I want to do every day, are one-on-one time with God, one-on-one time with my husband, doing housework, scrapbooking, going outside for fresh air/exercise, and the list goes on.  Checklists work for me to get into good habits, so I'm leaning towards doing something like that.   

Perhaps one day I will write a series of blog posts on friendships. 

By the way, did you notice I am Top Mommy Blogs approved?  Exciting stuff for me!  Clicking gets me 1 vote! You can vote once a day. 

Summing up 2015...Looking Forward to 2016

2015

My 2015 was a year of highs and lows, big changes and not much change at all.  Here's a recap highlighting my ups and downs of the past year.

1. In mid-January, due to a seizure I had last year in September (I hadn't had any in almost 6 years), we started thinking about not adopting at all.  This was so painful it is almost impossible for me to describe.  The indecision, prayer, talking, and crying went on for months. 
2. In mid-March our agency let us know it was time to do our annual update.  
3. In mid-March we put our condo up for sale again (had tried to sell it the previous year as well).  We loved the renovations we had done but wanted a place with more privacy in the backyard. 
4. At the end of March I had a seizure. 
5. In mid-April, we celebrated our TENTH anniversary!!

   

   My husband and I on our anniversary before going out on a date to Red Lobster.

6. Despite the seizure and our continued consideration of not adopting, we went forward with updating our profile and went for our physicals in April. 
7. At the end of April, we went to our agency for our update meeting, and told them we are putting our adoption on hold.  We decided we needed to get my seizures under control before continuing with adopting.  It hurt but at the same time I was okay with it.
8. TWO DAYS after putting our adoption on hold I had another seizure!  Decided to go up on my medication which I did the following day.
9. In May we went on a 17-day long road trip to celebrate our tenth anniversary!  Leading up to it life was very stressful, what with seizures, putting our adoption on hold, and our condo up for sale.  But it was a good trip.  You can read about it here, here, here, here, here, and here.
10. THREE DAYS after arriving home from our trip, we got an offer on our condo which we accepted that day.
11. In early June we started looking at houses, and a couple weeks later made an offer on one which was accepted within an hour.
12. In late June my husband and my niece both got baptized!
13. On the last day of June the sale of our condo and the purchase of our new home were completed!
14. In early July, we got the news that my husband's mom has been diagnosed with colon cancer.
15. We took posession of our new home, a 1970's 3-bedroom condo, on the last day of July, and started renos right away.
16. We moved in early August and started talking about going active with our agency again, as my seizures seem to be under control!   
17. My mother-in-law had radiation for the last week of August, and in early September had surgery.
18. In September we let our agency know we wanted to go active again which they made happen the next day!  I'm excited and hopeful, but have more of a peace than a desperation like I did before.
19. We went away to a cabin for a weekend with my family like we have done every fall for as long as I can remember, but this year it was our last year.  The 3-bedroom/7-bed cabin has gotten too small for our family of 12!
20. On Thanksgiving Day (October 11) my grandma passed away.  She was 91.  This was the grandparent that I, and everyone in my family, was closest to.  We were next-door neighbours my whole growing-up years.  The funeral was five days later, on my husband's birthday.

    

    My grandma and I at her 90th birthday party almost exactly one year before she passed away.

21. Our country voted for a new prime minister in October and in my opinion made a very big mistake.  (Yes, I'm one of those rare people who actually cares about politics, lol!)
22. In November my mother-in-law started chemo.  She is doing really well. 
23. As of December 1st I quit selling Regal.  
24. On Christmas Day my uncle (my aunt's husband) was in a snowmobile accident.  Three days later, after being taken off life support, he passed away.  It feels completely unreal.  The funeral will be in January.    

So that was my 2015!!  How was your year??  Of course I can't predict 2016, but here are my hopes and expectations:

1. There will be a couple big birthdays in my family.  My sister turning 40 and my other sister's husband turning 45.  Of course my niece that is turning 13 counts that as a VERY big birthday, lol! Cute :)
2. We'll be doing lots and lots of renovations on our house.
3. Of course I really, really hope we'll be chosen to adopt!

To my readers and followers, thank-you for coming by to read my blog, thank-you for sharing my ups and downs with me.  To those of you who also have blogs, I enjoy reading and commenting on yours as well, and sharing in your ups and downs!  See you in 2016 and may you have a happy new year!    

Get To Know Me

I don't usually do these types of surveys anymore (to me they hearken back to the early 2000's when I first got an email address, lol!) but I am slightly bored and need a blog post, so I figured why not do a "get to know me" list of questions and answers.  I found the questions on various blogs throughout the Internet and edited them to a list that suited me.  I've even added a few of my own.  I hope you enjoy getting to know me a little better!  I'd love to know you better, too - at the end, why don't you leave a comment with your answer to any one of these questions?

1. Are you named after anyone? Not that I know of.  My parents were considering calling me "Shelley" though, as a nickname for my middle name.
2. What is your middle name? Michelle
3. What was favourite subject in school? I can't say I had one.  I definitely had least favourites!
4. What is your favorite drink? I am a big fan of water.
5. What is your favorite song at the moment? I love some of the old hymns, such as How Great Thou Art.
6. What is your favorite food? Cheese!!!
7. What is the last thing you bought? Probably groceries.
8. Favorite book of all time? I know this is going to sound like a Sunday School answer, but when it comes down to it, The Holy Bible would always come out at the top of the list. 
   
9. Favorite Colour? Blue!  I have a whole Pinterest board dedicated to the colour blue, I love it so much, haha.
10. Do you have any pets? Not currently :(  But I am a huge cat lover.  Hubby loves cats, too.  We've had many cats throughout our marriage - you can see some of them here.
11. Favorite Perfume? I'm not big on wearing perfume.  I have a few very inexpensive ones, but I usually forget to wear them!  I do like White Musk from The Body Shop.
12. Favorite Holiday? Christmas!!  I love the planning, shopping, wrapping & giving & receiving gifts, family gatherings at various places, banquets and parties, the first snowfall, decorating the tree, everything.  I admit that sometimes I get so wrapped up (no pun intended, haha) in the excitement that I forget that we're celebrating the birth of Christ - but when I take time to think about that if He hadn't been born He wouldn't have died, well, then I am filled with emotion and am very grateful toward Him!
13. Are you married? I hope you all know the answer to this question ;)  Yes, yes I am! :)
14. Have you ever been overseas? No.
15. What countries have you all lived in and/or visited? Canada, United States, Mexico
16. Do you know any other languages beside English? I can understand & speak a little Low German.  
17. How many siblings do you have? I have two older sisters and an older brother. 
18. What is your favorite brick-and-mortar store? Not sure if it's my #1 favourite, but I really like DeLuca's, which is an Italian grocery store.  Oh, wait.  I forgot scrapbooking stores.  Duh.  Any scrapbooking store would probably win the prize.  And I also like gift shops - The Blue Heron in Kenora, Ontario is one of my favourites.
19. Favorite restaurant? I don't go to restaurants much anymore because there's so little I can eat at them, but one of my favourites that I can still eat a couple things at is Taco Del Mar.  If I could whatever I wanted, my favourite would probably still be Olive Garden.
20. When was the last time you cried? Hmm, I can't recall.  It was probably somewhat recently, though.
21. Favourite movies? I love some of the old, classic musicals.  My favourites are Singin' in the Rain, Seven Brides for Seven Brothers, and Hello, Dolly!
22. Favourite TV shows? I don't watch much TV anymore, but my current favourite is MasterChef (almost any country's - right now we're watching Australia's latest season).
23. How tall are you? A little over 5'7".  I'm about the same height as my mom, but quite a bit taller than both my older sisters and my sister-in-law.  However, my 16-year-old niece recently passed me!
24. Can you cook? Do you enjoy cooking?  Yes, I'd say I can cook, and I think my husband would, too!  I do enjoy cooking, although there are some things I am too squeamish for - I very rarely cook red meat or seafood.  
25. Do you have kids? Well, I think everyone reading this blog knows the answer to that question.
26. If you were another person, would you be a friend of yourself? I could see someone being reluctant to, but my hope & prayer is that there is someone (or more!) out there who would be a good match with me!
27. Do you use sarcasm a lot? No, not my style.
28. Have you, or will you, ever bungee-jumped?  I don't think I would enjoy that.  No, I know I wouldn't.
29. What’s your favorite cereal? Unfortunately I don't eat cereal anymore and I really miss Multi-Grain Cheerios!
30. What’s the first thing you notice about people? This is going to sound shallow, but usually I notice their sense of style - what they're wearing and if they "own it" or not.
31. What is your eye colour? Brown - not a dark brown.
32. Do you prefer scary movies or movies with happy endings? Definitely happy endings.  I take no delight in fear.
33. What are your favourite (non-perfume) smells? Woodsmoke in fall has gotta top the list!
34. What are your favourite months of the year, weather-wise? May, June, July, August, September.  The other months are just too cold for me.
35. What country were you born in? Canada
36. What are some of your hobbies? Scrapbooking, reading, doing word puzzles, identifying local wildflowers, gardening flowers and vegetables.
37. Do you have a hidden talent (or not-so-hidden)? If so, what? I don't think so.  I love acting, but am so terrible at memorization I haven't pursued it.
38. What’s your favorite Etsy shop (that isn’t yours)? I'm not sure if this is my #1 favourite, but I've shopped from Tabitha942 and she was great!  Lots of cute baby stuff.
39. What’s your favorite way to spend your free time when you’re alone? Probably being online, reading blogs and catching up on Facebook and stuff.
40. What’s your favorite junk food? Salt & vinegar potato chips.  I miss some of the baked treats and chocolate bars I used to be able to eat, though!
41. Who's your favourite fiction author? Sarah Sundin
42. What hairstyle/hair colour have you had that you liked the most? I've had a perm twice (the frst time with long hair and no bangs) and liked it both times.  The second time was with shorter hair (shorter in the back, longer in the front) and straight, blunt bangs - loved it.  I also enjoyed the highschool days when I would dye my hair various shades of dark red.
43. What city, country, or area of the world would you like to visit (that you haven't been to before)?  I really want to go to Hawaii with Hubby.
44. Last romantic gesture from your husband? He surprised me with a package of gf coconut macaroons I'd spotted in Walmart (that actually didn't have soy for a change)!
45. Which do you like hearing most from your husband - I love you, Thank-you, or You're beautiful? "You're beautiful."  He says "I love you" a lot already ;)
46. Do you ever stay in your pajamas all day (even when not sick)? No.  On rare occasions I'll stay in them 'til lunchtime.  But I'm more an evening-pajamas kind of person.  When I come home in the evening the first thing I want to do is get into something comfy!

So?  Anything we have in common?  Anything completely different?  What's your answer to any one (or more!) of these questions? Thanks for reading!! :)

Life

I knew when I started this blog that I wouldn't be a frequent poster, but lately I feel like I've really dropped the ball! Since I've started this blog, I've posted at least once every month, but I even missed a whole month (May - granted, we were gone for 1/2 of it) recently. Sorry about that and thank you to those who keep checking back! (I do try to keep updating our timeline even when I'm not blogging, if you want to check that.)

I haven't been posting much for a couple reasons. Mainly because there's things I could say, but don't want to, so rather than say something, I've said nothing. Also, we've been busy!

March and April were both difficult months. We were gone for 17 days in May, celebrating our 10th  anniversary with a road trip to Alberta and BC. Pretty much the moment we came back, our condo sold and we went house-hunting, and then bought one in June. Hubby's mom got diagnosed with colon cancer in July. We move in August, at which time the renos start. Also, summertime is when Hubby works 11-13 hour days. Whew! I feel worn out just re-reading that list.

Life has been stressful, but I don't feel right complaining. There's been a lot of good, too. It's summertime! Hard times are always easier to handle when I can go outside and enjoy the flowers and heat (I am in my hammock right now - I can hear a baby, which makes me feel sorta happy/sad, and birds, and smell freshly mown lawn, and see my marigolds and apple tree). Hubby & I both have family that loves us and that we love, and they almost all live nearby. Most importantly, Jesus loves me and I love Him. I'm so thankful that He died instead of me and paid for my sin so that I don't have to. He is such a wonderful God and I am so thankful for Him! When everything else goes "wrong", or I have no idea what my purpose is and feel useless and lonely, I can always rely on Him to never change, to never leave me, and to always love me. He is so good!

How has life been going for you lately? Has your summer been relaxing?

Rough Day

Today was a rough day.  There seemed to be preggo bellies and adorable children everywhere.  (Usually I can stay home and ignore it but today I had to go run errands.)  In the doctor's waiting room there was a lady (I'm assuming the mom) reading stories with a little girl.  Part way through storytime, she put her on her lap, they exchanged sweet smooches, and went back to reading.  The craving inside of me was so strong I thought I was going to dissolve into sobs right there in the waiting room.  (It doesn't help that I'm in pms and everything seems worse.)  The annoying thing is I can't tell the difference between coveting and this engulfing pain that overwhelms when I imagine my life without a child.  Ah well.  Life has been super-super-stressful lately (for the last month, to be precise).  I guess the good thing that comes out of hard times is that God hears from me a lot as I seek answers from Him and cry out to Him.  And yet other times (did I mention pms?) He feels somewhat distant.  Anyway.  I just wanted to share - it was a rough day.  Thanks for listening.

   

Summing up 2014...Looking Forward to 2015

To read my summing up 2012 post, click here.
To read my hopes for 2013, click here.
To read my summing up 2013 post, as well as my hopes for 2014, click here.

2014 did not have as many things happen in it as 2012 and 2013.  The biggest things that happened in our lives in 2014 were:

1. We put our condo up for sale in March.   We looked at a few houses and made an offer on one which wasn't accepted.  Our condo was shown about 13 times with no offers.  We took our condo off the market at the end of June as it didn't seem like the right timing for us.  
2. We reached one year of waiting.  We had not been shown at all.  We updated our adoption profile.
3. We celebrated some big birthdays - my oldest niece's 15th, my mother-in-law's 55th, my mom's 65th, my brother's 40th, and my husband's 30th!
4. I had a booth at a local fair getting word out about my business, Regal Gifts.
5. Hubby & I went on an amazing camping trip from July 3-6.  Very relaxing and very beautiful scenery.
6. I had a seizure, my seventh one but the last time I'd had one was almost 6 years ago; also my first one alone.  Caused us to rethink having children which was a very difficult time.  We prayed a lot, talked a lot, and cried a lot. We put in place some plans for babysitting in the early mornings and solidified a number of ways to keep Baby safe.  Having the seizure alone ended up showing me that it is possible to be alone during one and be okay.
7. Hubby had 5 dentist appointments from Oct-Dec with another one coming up this month.  Ouch!
8. We found out we had been shown 3 times in the six months since updating our profile in Spring!
9. I had a booth at a local Christmas craft & trade show for Regal.  This one did a lot better, and it was indoors so we didn't get rained out like last time!
10. And, Hubby's brother found and met members of his birth family! 

So, now it is 2015, which I find hard to believe!  How the time flies.  And yet how it drags, too!  Of course it's impossible to predict what will happen in 2015.  Perhaps Christ will come back and take His people home -- who knows!  But here is what I'm looking forward to in 2015 if it is His will:

1. Celebrating more big birthdays in our families - my youngest niece just turned 10 three days ago, my oldest niece will be turning 16 soon and getting her driver's (!!!!), my sister-in-law will be having her 40th soon, and at the end of the year Hubby's brother will be having his 25th!
2. Hubby & I will be celebrating our 10th anniversary!!
3. We'll hit the 2-year mark of waiting and update our profile again, assuming we aren't parents by then. 
4. We are planning for and hope to go away on a vacation for our anniversary :)  Unless we're parents by then, that is.
5. We're planning on going back to the same wonderful campground as last year, this time with Hubby's extended family.
6. We may or may not put our condo up for sale again.
7. I haven't really thought beyond that!  I hope to stay seizure-free, of course, and beat my record of 5 years + 9 months.  I'm aiming for forever ;)  I hope that God answers our prayers for all the people we pray for.  I am excited to see what He will do in 2015!  His plans are always best!    

I hope you had a merry Christmas and a happy New Year!

Birthdays

Lots of pictures coming up... :)

My birthday was August 12th; I turned 32. 

To celebrate, we had my husband's parents over for a barbeque on Aug. 10th for supper.  We cooked a feast for them and my FIL sang "Happy Birthday" loudly for all the neighbours to hear (thanks, Dad).  They gave me a hammock that I have been wanting for a while and I enjoyed it over the remainder of the summer.

On the 12th, my actual birthday, I had a bit of a crummy day, but in the evening my husband and I went out to a local cafe that we both like.  It was super-busy and loud inside, so we sat outside, which ended up being really nice.  We had hot chocolates which we both decided were the best we'd ever had.

On the 16th we went to the zoo.  I think this was part of my birthday celebrations...but it may have just been because we wanted to; I can't remember!  Regardless, the weather was hot, and we got to see the new polar bear exhibit where you can see the bears swimming over you while you are standing in a clear tunnel, so it was a good time.

On the 17th, we had my side of the family down for the evening.  We had snacks (chips and Rhubarb Upside-down Cake) and here we are playing Probe.

On October 7th my Grandma, on my dad's side, turned 90.  NINETY.  My aunt put together a really nice evening at the care home my Grandma lives at.  She made a meal that was exactly like one my grandma would've cooked years ago.  She decorated the place nicely, there were pictures of my grandma when she was younger, a chalkboard that listed what grocery items cost back in 1924, treats that my grandma used to give to us grandkids, etc.  We took a lot of pictures; my grandma has always liked doing family photos but I think she was a little confused and overwhelmed.  I'm glad we celebrated her, though.  I gave her flowers from my flowerbed; she has always appreciated pretty things.

On the 16th was my husband's birthday; he turned the big 3-0.  We started off the birthday celebrations for him by going out to eat at Red Lobster with his parents and brother on the 13th.  His brother was out visiting for Thanksgiving weekend (from the 10th-13th; we had gatherings on the 11th and 12th).  Hubby really wanted his brother to be part of his birthday celebration, so we tagged along to the airport when Hubby's parents were bringing Hubby's brother there, and went out to supper first.

On the 16th, his actual birthday, he wanted to do the same thing we did for my birthday - go out to the cafe for hot chocolates :)  So we did.  This time it was very un-busy, so we got a couch/armchair corner inside which was nice as they're not always easy to get.  He was pretty tired, as it was a weekday evening, but it was still nice.

On the 17th we had my family over in the evening for snacks - chips & pop, Skor Trifle (his favourite), and spinach dip (definitely not his favourite).  It was a good evening.

On the 18th the two of us went to the aviation museum.  It had been many years since he'd been there and I'd never been there.  Unfortunately the displays were not all in the best condition and the descriptions needed some serious updating, and there was a wedding going on which pretty much forced us out of there, but otherwise it was good for the most part and I'm glad we went.

So those were the big birthday celebrations in August and October!  In September my side of the family went to a cabin for a weekend; something we do every Fall and it was gorgeous weather and a good time.  One of my sisters & her husband celebrated their 10th anniversary in October by going to Yellowstone; there is a number of anniversaries in my family in Fall.  And of course (for us Canadians) there was Thanksgiving in October as well, so with that came 3 family gatherings.  The next big thing is Christmas, oh my!  Not sure if I'm prepared for that yet... :)